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What is that when you just can't forgive but still you won't hate? What is that when you are filled with anger but still don't want to spill that out? What is that to let life get used to living with questions but still no effort to find the answers?

Ma, just knows all. She knows I am not seeing the world when I am not observing common life pass by the window. She knows then that somewhere I am not enjoying life. She knows that I am struggling to not create that knot. She says, stop thinking over it else you will land up tightening the knot's grip. Stop thinking and let it loose, it will untangle by itself. I call myself an observer but cant compare myself to her observance.

Country Cousins

Yea observed this extreme kinship between the two countries that I can’t stop addressing them as cousins (not its people), kinship of developing countries or rather emerging countries. For the first time I realized what a developing country is. Having lived throughout my life in India (the place which for me will always remain the best) and having visited only developed countries, until this week, I didn’t really know or ignored what a developing nation is. India after all is home and it is a developing nation I never really felt that in reality, was aware of it only in theory. And now after being here and seeing the striking similarity between here and India I realize that the similarity majorly comes from the fact that even this country is a developing country. Well we will always find a bit of home any where we go but out here you can easily mistaken yourself to be walking down some coastal town of India. The streets, the town organization, the traffic, the restaurants, the corner pan shop, the beach culture (not the tanning scene of course), the sign boards, the pamphlets sticking around, the warmth of the country, the neighbors chatting on a lazy afternoon across their doors, the town square (chawk) culture, people waiting at the bus stop, the dust….every thing amazingly the same. And suddenly I realize places across the world aren’t all that different. I guess given similar circumstances, in this case both on their way to being developed the outcome has to be similar. And somewhere all this is reflected in the culture too. You might be thinking why I am posting this….truely, I am just amazed at the similarity and feeling so nice about it. As difference was expected and there surely will be lot of it but such affinity was never even thought about.

P.S. Btw the place and country in talk is Recife, Brazil.

Good Omen.

I am writing after long time…wanted to write since long…but either was lazy when had a nice thought or was with no good thought when in mood to write. Today am in mood but no topic as such…lets see what crap I write.
This Friday I shifted to a new apartment all to myself…something that I always wanted to do …and something that would support my real reason of coming down to US, staying alone…new life...new friends…lets see how things go.
Anyways, so on Friday evening had been to Wal-Mart to buy some basic stuff for the apartment…after picking up all that I needed was waiting outside with the trolley, for the cab to arrive. Had bought a full length mirror and had kept the mirror over the trolley in such a way that all the other stuff had been covered by it and the mirror too was backside up so people generally won’t make out that it’s a mirror. While I was waiting an old man who was smoking beside me suddenly started chatting to me. At first look he seemed to be the street side ignored person whom you would tend to avoid in this country. Because they don’t look all that safe to be around and you never know how they will react suddenly. Initially when he started talking I couldn’t figure out a word…he was old so his words weren’t clear. On hearing closely I realized he is asking me, if I am shifting to a new apartment…and that’s where he caught my attention. As said above hardly anything could be figured out from my trolley…but still that man had such good observation that in hardly a minute he realized that here is a girl who is all alone, new to this country and shifting to a new apartment. He then confirmed that I am an Indian…ok I know that’s easy to guess from the looks but he said that so confidently right at the first shot. He started wishing me all the best for my stay out here and in the new apartment. If that cab hadn’t arrived by then he would have continued the conversation further. Even the cab driver knew him and some passer bys too…they exchanged regards and I left with his good wishes.
That old man somehow left a mark in my mind…a person who might have had such interesting experiences in his life that a glance is enough for him to know what’s going on…an observer…highly knowledgeable…people knowing him for his knowledge…looks ignored but in reality isn’t at all...rather a street smart person. I wished our conversation would have continued a bit more...if my friends would have seen me talking to that man they would definitely say that it isn’t safe talking to such people in this country…but they know I wouldn’t care…at the end I felt it was a good omen that I got his wishes when I am about to start something new ….I can be superstitious at times :-).

Another trip.
To add to my zest for traveling to new places, came the trip to Alps. Its was a year back promise that these guys were trying to keep. Just back from Stockholm…Alps is making me feel lucky. And finally it feels that my jinx attached with visiting mountain ranges is breaking.

My visit was to the dolomite section of the alps (Marmolada, Cortina etc)…it was the most beautiful place I have ever seen…breath taking views…refreshingly fresh air…very different landscapes from the rest of Italy. Serenity visible through out.

A complete travel of nearly 500 kms to an altitude of 3000 meters, all showing the magnificent nature. These magnificent creations makes your worries in life so petty, they just vanish and look worthless in front of them. A beautiful essence of nature….its purpose.

Refreshing weekend (26-28 Oct)

I knew that I was already in a sort of pleasure trip but still I was desperately looking for a weekend getaway. And going to Stockholm would definitely be so because I hadn’t done anything like this before i.e. traveling down to another country not for work but on a vacation and that too all alone. And to support this desire, my travel got planned within my budget… round trip in nearly 200Euros :).
Reaching stockholm in itself was going to be some sort of adventure. It was complicated because had to take a taxi to the neighbouring city and then a train and later a bus to reach Venice airport. And all this in a non english speaking country was challenging. I wasn’t thinking much abt the Sweden side, thanks to Abhijit he was going to be there at the airport.
In actual too the travel turned out to be a very nice experience…realizing one thing traveling in Europe is really easy if you are well informed before hand i.e. everything is in place, organized and on time you just need to be aware of things.
Though I was very excited about this trip but I didn’t really have any image of Sweden in my mind. I don’t remember seeing this country even in photographs. So had a blank visual with the only knowledge that its going to be a very cold place. To add to this blank image was the travel from Stockholm airport to Abhijit’s place…I kind of got restless…because nothing that I saw gave me a new country feeling, the feeling that I would carry as Swedish. All that I captured that night either felt like the Europe that I have already seen in Italy or it felt like U.S.
But the next day, Saturday did full justice to my keenness for a new country….its a beautiful country…very peaceful…felt like a vast country because of the remotely populated country side...dense forests….large landscapes of green grass…beautiful lakes surrounded by woods and artistic houses. My most cherished memory of this trip is going to be the walk that we took in the woods close to Abhijit’s house…it was simply awesome…with the autumn leaf trees….very very refreshing…it felt as if you will have all answers to your queries in life in a solitude walk in those woods. You need to be there, feel it, absorb it and cherish all the peace. Really refreshing.

The next day, Sunday was planned for the old Stockholm city, Gamla stan…it was a beautiful place typically Europian...but truly speaking I wasn’t really awestuck by that place…because it felt like any other tourist destination of Europe especially of Italy. It was definitely different in its own way but still. Anyways Sunday gave me the city life of Sweden…commuting busy crowd…a very U.S. and to some extent Mumbai feeling.
So now the combination of all these portrays my picture of Sweden. And after this trip my wantings for visiting new places has all the more increased....looking forward to the next trip :).

Realising a known fact.

In any form of relationship (even of the minutest form) if the two individuals involved in that relationship have dissimilar expectations from it then that relationship is a mess and painfully a burden. This I think is irrespective of the fact that the two individuals are having the best of regards for each other. And how much ever we try it to be the other way still every relationship is based on a certain set of expectations and bindings. I don't know why I just felt like writing this :-).

There are days when in retrospective mood I give a thought to where I was and where I am now. Where I am now is really good and I know that these are going to be the best days of my life. These are the days where I can clearly see how life is taking an all together different path which is some what aligned to what I wanted but never really expected it to happen (I am a pessimist). I wasn’t ambitious then but now I think I am, at least in comparison to myself in the past.
But in this new path of life there are days which are so heavily stressful that I start wishing I could get back to who and where I was, as those were also very beautiful days of life. Simple, innocent, non stressful days.
So that means…the past was good, the present is good, so life is going good…touch wood!!