Ma, just knows all. She knows I am not seeing the world when I am not observing common life pass by the window. She knows then that somewhere I am not enjoying life. She knows that I am struggling to not create that knot. She says, stop thinking over it else you will land up tightening the knot's grip. Stop thinking and let it loose, it will untangle by itself. I call myself an observer but cant compare myself to her observance.

Country Cousins

Yea observed this extreme kinship between the two countries that I can’t stop addressing them as cousins (not its people), kinship of developing countries or rather emerging countries. For the first time I realized what a developing country is. Having lived throughout my life in India (the place which for me will always remain the best) and having visited only developed countries, until this week, I didn’t really know or ignored what a developing nation is. India after all is home and it is a developing nation I never really felt that in reality, was aware of it only in theory. And now after being here and seeing the striking similarity between here and India I realize that the similarity majorly comes from the fact that even this country is a developing country. Well we will always find a bit of home any where we go but out here you can easily mistaken yourself to be walking down some coastal town of India. The streets, the town organization, the traffic, the restaurants, the corner pan shop, the beach culture (not the tanning scene of course), the sign boards, the pamphlets sticking around, the warmth of the country, the neighbors chatting on a lazy afternoon across their doors, the town square (chawk) culture, people waiting at the bus stop, the dust….every thing amazingly the same. And suddenly I realize places across the world aren’t all that different. I guess given similar circumstances, in this case both on their way to being developed the outcome has to be similar. And somewhere all this is reflected in the culture too. You might be thinking why I am posting this….truely, I am just amazed at the similarity and feeling so nice about it. As difference was expected and there surely will be lot of it but such affinity was never even thought about.

P.S. Btw the place and country in talk is Recife, Brazil.

Good Omen.

I am writing after long time…wanted to write since long…but either was lazy when had a nice thought or was with no good thought when in mood to write. Today am in mood but no topic as such…lets see what crap I write.
This Friday I shifted to a new apartment all to myself…something that I always wanted to do …and something that would support my real reason of coming down to US, staying alone…new life...new friends…lets see how things go.
Anyways, so on Friday evening had been to Wal-Mart to buy some basic stuff for the apartment…after picking up all that I needed was waiting outside with the trolley, for the cab to arrive. Had bought a full length mirror and had kept the mirror over the trolley in such a way that all the other stuff had been covered by it and the mirror too was backside up so people generally won’t make out that it’s a mirror. While I was waiting an old man who was smoking beside me suddenly started chatting to me. At first look he seemed to be the street side ignored person whom you would tend to avoid in this country. Because they don’t look all that safe to be around and you never know how they will react suddenly. Initially when he started talking I couldn’t figure out a word…he was old so his words weren’t clear. On hearing closely I realized he is asking me, if I am shifting to a new apartment…and that’s where he caught my attention. As said above hardly anything could be figured out from my trolley…but still that man had such good observation that in hardly a minute he realized that here is a girl who is all alone, new to this country and shifting to a new apartment. He then confirmed that I am an Indian…ok I know that’s easy to guess from the looks but he said that so confidently right at the first shot. He started wishing me all the best for my stay out here and in the new apartment. If that cab hadn’t arrived by then he would have continued the conversation further. Even the cab driver knew him and some passer bys too…they exchanged regards and I left with his good wishes.
That old man somehow left a mark in my mind…a person who might have had such interesting experiences in his life that a glance is enough for him to know what’s going on…an observer…highly knowledgeable…people knowing him for his knowledge…looks ignored but in reality isn’t at all...rather a street smart person. I wished our conversation would have continued a bit more...if my friends would have seen me talking to that man they would definitely say that it isn’t safe talking to such people in this country…but they know I wouldn’t care…at the end I felt it was a good omen that I got his wishes when I am about to start something new ….I can be superstitious at times :-).

Another trip.
To add to my zest for traveling to new places, came the trip to Alps. Its was a year back promise that these guys were trying to keep. Just back from Stockholm…Alps is making me feel lucky. And finally it feels that my jinx attached with visiting mountain ranges is breaking.

My visit was to the dolomite section of the alps (Marmolada, Cortina etc)…it was the most beautiful place I have ever seen…breath taking views…refreshingly fresh air…very different landscapes from the rest of Italy. Serenity visible through out.

A complete travel of nearly 500 kms to an altitude of 3000 meters, all showing the magnificent nature. These magnificent creations makes your worries in life so petty, they just vanish and look worthless in front of them. A beautiful essence of nature….its purpose.

Refreshing weekend (26-28 Oct)

I knew that I was already in a sort of pleasure trip but still I was desperately looking for a weekend getaway. And going to Stockholm would definitely be so because I hadn’t done anything like this before i.e. traveling down to another country not for work but on a vacation and that too all alone. And to support this desire, my travel got planned within my budget… round trip in nearly 200Euros :).
Reaching stockholm in itself was going to be some sort of adventure. It was complicated because had to take a taxi to the neighbouring city and then a train and later a bus to reach Venice airport. And all this in a non english speaking country was challenging. I wasn’t thinking much abt the Sweden side, thanks to Abhijit he was going to be there at the airport.
In actual too the travel turned out to be a very nice experience…realizing one thing traveling in Europe is really easy if you are well informed before hand i.e. everything is in place, organized and on time you just need to be aware of things.
Though I was very excited about this trip but I didn’t really have any image of Sweden in my mind. I don’t remember seeing this country even in photographs. So had a blank visual with the only knowledge that its going to be a very cold place. To add to this blank image was the travel from Stockholm airport to Abhijit’s place…I kind of got restless…because nothing that I saw gave me a new country feeling, the feeling that I would carry as Swedish. All that I captured that night either felt like the Europe that I have already seen in Italy or it felt like U.S.
But the next day, Saturday did full justice to my keenness for a new country….its a beautiful country…very peaceful…felt like a vast country because of the remotely populated country side...dense forests….large landscapes of green grass…beautiful lakes surrounded by woods and artistic houses. My most cherished memory of this trip is going to be the walk that we took in the woods close to Abhijit’s house…it was simply awesome…with the autumn leaf trees….very very refreshing…it felt as if you will have all answers to your queries in life in a solitude walk in those woods. You need to be there, feel it, absorb it and cherish all the peace. Really refreshing.

The next day, Sunday was planned for the old Stockholm city, Gamla stan…it was a beautiful place typically Europian...but truly speaking I wasn’t really awestuck by that place…because it felt like any other tourist destination of Europe especially of Italy. It was definitely different in its own way but still. Anyways Sunday gave me the city life of Sweden…commuting busy crowd…a very U.S. and to some extent Mumbai feeling.
So now the combination of all these portrays my picture of Sweden. And after this trip my wantings for visiting new places has all the more increased....looking forward to the next trip :).

Realising a known fact.

In any form of relationship (even of the minutest form) if the two individuals involved in that relationship have dissimilar expectations from it then that relationship is a mess and painfully a burden. This I think is irrespective of the fact that the two individuals are having the best of regards for each other. And how much ever we try it to be the other way still every relationship is based on a certain set of expectations and bindings. I don't know why I just felt like writing this :-).

There are days when in retrospective mood I give a thought to where I was and where I am now. Where I am now is really good and I know that these are going to be the best days of my life. These are the days where I can clearly see how life is taking an all together different path which is some what aligned to what I wanted but never really expected it to happen (I am a pessimist). I wasn’t ambitious then but now I think I am, at least in comparison to myself in the past.
But in this new path of life there are days which are so heavily stressful that I start wishing I could get back to who and where I was, as those were also very beautiful days of life. Simple, innocent, non stressful days.
So that means…the past was good, the present is good, so life is going good…touch wood!!

Again No Title

I feel like writing something after long time...I guess its because of the solitude and of course got time..and also after reading Ram's post and connected blogs (one of my favorite TP over net).

But I don't really have an experince/observation, with a strong desire to post it down...God! so many factors to make a posting. So forcing myself to write I get two topics, one over my illogical and erratic (from cheerful to reclusive) behaviour these days...and the other would be my general feeling over the past 2 days at Ronchi...and thats what I choose.

But again thinking, that it would be of least interest to people reading the post...but how does it matter to me..the post could be for me to cherish the present years later.

But I also can't write just for the sake of writing...and also am not able to phrase my thoughts well...so why write something dull?

So I excuse myself this time...may be some other time when all the factors are in place :).

A weekend thought.

A number 4 person: avoid being ordinary, not spontaneous, cannot have casual approach, having the sense of something from life, a continuous desire to understand oneself, elegant, romantic, cannot get over the sad aspects of past, having fear of being defective, having sensitivity to other people’s emotions and pain, artistic, mood, manners, luxury etc etc.
They are the basic traits of a person whose personality type is number 4 as per the Enneagram.

And I am suppose to be a number 4 person. Which I do agree is true many a times but not completely. Its just what the question and answer series in the session brought out about me.

And as per this I have to be more or less a thinker and also in other words an emotional fool, which I am but not always :). I tend to avoid taking decision as per the above said traits. Rather I have always chosen what I say is to be more practical. Because I feel taking decisions based on being emotional gets impulsive at times. I know it means being coward also, as it is not following what you really want. And it hurts and keeps you confused many a times. But that’s the way I am….finally something that’s clear :)

Lost!!


Recently I had set my onliner status as "Lost and frightened as a kid". It generated some speculation and curiosity. It was only suppose to be "Lost" but somehow the Lost word reminded me how as a kid I use to get frightened the moment my parents went out of sight even for a minuscule amount of time.

I remember very well my parents teaching me, my way back home if any day I got lost...they used to make me remember the house address. And one day just to check how I react to such a situation Papa just hid himself from me at a market place. And I as a kid not seeing him around simply broke down in tears, standing alone at a corner without even remembering what they had taught me.

As a kid we have always found so much of protection with our parents. Its in them that we used to confide. Its with them that we were most safe. Nature at its amazing best with this relationship and feeling.

Looking forward

These 3 months have passed in a flash and its time to go back or rather start a fresh new journey.
Though I haven't really been missing anything or anybody out here (that surprised a lot many people but I wasn't surprised, they were carrying a wrong impression) but still I am looking forward to go back. I am a bit apprehensive though as I know lot would have changed back home specially at work front. Its a fresh start that I got to make like a new job.

But the looking forward list is also long. Looking forward to....

-to the journey from here to back home.

-to attend the last 2 days of Durga Pujo.

-to see my parents delighted for seeing me after such a long time...i am not missing them but I know that they are missing me.

-to get cozy in my room.

-to catch with all the latest movies in theatre...though I am upto date with all the latest hindi movies...thanks to their pathetic quality pirated versions available on the net.

-to conclude Namesake which I have left incomplete...I have left Gogol at the University start, need to take him ahead in his life. Read some where that Namesake has been adapted into a movie with Tabu playing Ashima Ganguly's character...so am also looking forward to catch with this movie...can't really picture Tabu playing a Bengali house wife's character.

-to go to crossword and get all the history books whose list I have made in these days.

-to get back to Sitar, I hope my fingers wont freeze over it with these 3 months gap.

-to that clear blue sky with flocks of whitest clouds floating around lazily...ideally so should be the weather back home at this part of the year...the weather which I relate to Durga Pujo and Diwali...the weather which gives lots of positive vibes.

-to driving all the more...and also to possessing my own car(now thats more of a wish, which I am not very sure of coming true...thanks to my lil' modest salary...do I hear someone saying something :)).

-to see more people react to me having changed as a person...I too can feel this change.

The list of looking forwards is really long. Does that mean I am missing a lot many things...God knows, confused as usual :).

But at the end looking forward to go back to come back again.

Visit to the sinking city.

When Mr. Aiello first asked me of how was my trip to Venezia (Venice), my reply to him so that he understands me perfectly was Bellissimo!! (extremily beautiful, magnificient).

Before leaving for Venice Sylvia asked me what was I expecting from Venezia. My answer to her was, “I don’t really want to imagine or expect anything about the city, people had already hyped a lot about the city to me….and I don’t want to expect too much…what if the expectation are not met…then my trip would be a dissatisfaction.”
But how much ever said I had created a picture of this place in my mind…a picture which showed it to be architecturally splendid, canals, over looking the Adriatic, crowded with tourist etc.

I was visiting Venezia with Sylvia over the weekend and we were to stay at one of Sylvia’s friend Sophia's place, who would be guiding us in the city. And what guide we got, she is just 16 by age but has the detail knowledge of each and every place, lane and also its history. I was completely awe-struck by her knowledge and interest, though language was a barrier between us but then Sylvia was there to do the translation job.

So finally after an hour and a half train journey we reached Venice. The first thing that I noticed was the crowd and then the artistic work that was present all over. Right in front of the station was placed a replication of one of Michelangelo’s sculpture which was actually protesting the U.S. war against terrorism…I mean a protest was also so beautifully shown in the form of a sculpture.

Our walk through the city to reach Sophia’s place, itself gave me the feel of the city. A city of paved slab roads, narrow lanes, city of masks, road side restaurants, each and every building/house was architecturally and artistically awesome. I knew that this city was filled with canals but what I didn’t know was canals are the only mode of transportation (boats/ Gondola) in the city or else you got your legs to walk. Yes this place doesn’t have any vehicle on the roads not even bicycles. I mean it does not really have roads they are only paved slab lanes and sometimes narrow enough with no space for two people to walk parallely. But then the old city is quite small so can be walked through, but of course you would be easily lost in the lanes and that makes the walk longer.

Staying at Sophia’s place was an antique pleasure in itself. Thanks to her and her family I got to feel Venice in its true form…and not only the touristic view. Yes, we did visit the major touristic spots but what the true Venetian culture was seen in that house and in their way of living.


The night life of the city was like a dream. It was truly very romantic, with live music being played at most of the restaurants and St. Marca’s square at night was a pleasure to the eyes.



My final treasured memory of this trip would be our boat ride over the Grand Canal from Sophia’s house to the railway station. Sophia’s father decided to drop us to the station on the boat as we were already very late to walk our way back. And this half an hour trip was mesmerizing…got to see the other view of the city.

In all, the two days now feels like a dream and it was complete to my expectation and even more.

No words to express

Have to give an acknowledgement to this post:

A letter from Andaman Cellular jail

Some Random Clicks!!!

I was suppose to read the design documents but just didnt feel like. Didnt even feel like going of to sleep...it was just 11.00 pm. Nobody was even coming nline to chat with...started thinking is it holiday today in U.S. or my nocturnal friends back home have decided to follow a more human trait. So with Gulzar songs running on the background...I started with some regular browsing. But even that was least interesting today(other than Rajdeep Sardesi interviewing Ganguly).

And then did something worth doing...I have done it many times( proves I got lots of time to waste or may be its the effect of staying online for nearly 16 hours a day).

Just type in some random words onto a search engine and see what it comes up with.

And so I typed in adrija over the search.blogger. It came up with 5 pages of links. Out of those one link was obviously pointing out here.

But out of the many links I found two very interesting links....links posting two very memorable experiences of my life.

icfp 2005 and The Sinhagad Xperience !

It was rejoicing to read back some fond memories from somebody else's perspective.
Its a nice feeling to see how people relate to the same things that you relate to.

May be non sense

No particular reason to write...just a satisfying day, which is on its way to be recorded...so this post might be non sense for many.

The day started pretty well...but slowly started getting to the state from which i am trying to run or may be end these days.

But I dont really know how to do that. Some good read really helps, talking to friends help, hearing statements which speak ur mind helps. Statements which make you feel, oh that person has so precisely put down what was always your thought or believe.

And thankfully since today evening I have come across many such affirmations. Thankfully because these things have made the day end with a positive note.

CNN is going very boring these days, it might be news for most people but as over here CNN is the only channel I got, I have started feeling sick of it. Never before have I been so very well up to date with the world news as I am these days. But I am not enjoying it at all, violence and war news everywhere Israel, Lebanon, UK, Iran,Iraq, Congo,Sudan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India...i no more can take it...but still its become a habit to return to that channel.

So returning back to where I was...thus with reluctance I switched on the channel after going through the similar headlines, Richard Quest's, Quest started and had a lovely one hour...this months quest was about family. Richard so very well portrayed the value of family...the feeling of belonging was what he indirectly put down. And at the end the way he traced down his origin and ancestors, I have always wished to do the same...so again somebody did something which was always in mind...and instead of feeling hey that was my idea...i felt atleast there are people around who feel or think the same way as I do....a satisfaction.

After that cheerful one hour, and as CNN returned to world news again which I was least interested in watching...I returned to the net.

With a few histoy brush ups and blog browsing, I landed up with Shekar Gupta's Talk the walk, with Paulo Coelho...back home also I have been a regular follower of talk the walk. And this one after long time made me read back Paulo Coelho's famous inspiring line "If you really want something, the whole universe is going to conspire to help you."

So at the end some good journalism by two well known journalist made my day.

Memories


aandhiyon se jhagad rahi hai lau meri
abh mashalon si badh rahi hai lau meri

I just love the song, Roobaroo and specially the above 2 lines. These two lines in itself are filled with so much of strength.

But there are more reasons for me being attached to this song. Whenever I listen to it, I get into a retrospective mood. Memories attached to this song are still very strong and clear. But when the current memory had just newly become a memory, I used to sometimes avoid this song. As the memories had some sour episodes and tough struggles.

The days when this song was newly being aired, are slowly turning into a turning point of my life. Many incidents occuring those days have acted as a catalyst to what and where I am now. I know this is an universal truth, our past has been the catalyst for our present, and so would the present add up to the past to become a catalyst for the future.

So here I am listening to this song again and again just to make myself strong and turn those not so good memories into the most precious memories of my life. I can't run away from things, right.

Winter season, fresh mornings, getting addicted to car driving, late nights, planet millenium, new friends, new feelings, Innowaze.....memories!!!

No title


Somebody once said it always starts from one side and the other side just responds back. But what if the first side stops taking the initiative, will the other side also stop responding. Doesnt any of the previous initiatives taken hold any value now...havent they left any mark...or will the interaction stop for ever?

I wish I get enough maturity to understand the situation.

Mrs. English!!



Saturday 8.30 pm. Grado, Italy.

We were for dinner at a very rustic kind of restaurant but very classy in itself, very much typically the old European style, along with a beautiful sun setting its way over the bay at the back drop. The dinner was being organized by Mr. L.M and his wife, at whose house I was staying for the weekend. I was their guest for that day so extra care was being taken.

Before leaving for the dinner I over heard Sylvia and Martha saying something about somebody called Mrs. English and then giggling, but then I was too busy dressing up for the dinner that I didn’t pay much attention to their conversation.

Ok, enough of scene setting…so here I was with Mr. L.M and his wife at the restaurant waiting for their other friend couples to come over. Mr. L.M knows english quite well but is a bit slow as has to recollect words and his wife hardly knows a few words. Within few minutes the first couple had arrived(say Mr & Mrs. First). Now that I am writing this after nearly 3 weeks of the actual day, I don’t really recollect much about the Mr. First (its strange how some people go completely unnoticed, in another few days I might totally forget him) but yes Mrs. First looked to be a very sober and gentle lady, seeing whom you get an elderly kind of respect. But even they just knew a bit of English, so till then hardly any conversation had taken place for me. And thus I started wishing that Sylvia and Martha had come along.

Then in short time came the other couple (I would have named them Mr. & Mrs. Second, but I would specially like to name Mrs. Second as Mrs. English). Mrs. English, an English school teacher, must be in her late 50s. After the initial formal introduction, I was so happy and relieved that finally there is someone to talk to and she seemed very interesting to me (and she did turn out to be very interesting).

The conversation started pretty well, but within few minutes it was clear that here I am with someone who is going to go on and on and on….but still it was nice, after all at last there was someone to hear too. And I also realized that here I was with a very pretentious lady, her pretentiousness was all because she knew English and the other 2 ladies didn’t know it. Though she was showing contempt for the British, but she her self was trying to present herself like this sophisticated English lady. A lady whose speeches contained more of Oh My God, Oh My Gosh, Oh dear, Oh it is so Hot,…and with all the other set of Ohhhs (also please imagine the artificial facial expressions along with these exclamations).

Our discussions revolved more around India and Europe. She had visited India sometime back, and her impression about the country was that, she was completely shocked and had been completely confused with the religions and rituals. Which for me is completely true when you think in terms of a non Indian, but again as this was Mrs. English I was feeling that she was over exaggerating. But any ways…we talked about the Pope, christainity, her experience at the Cambridge University, the youth these days in Italy and Italian men. It was from her that I got to know that Italian men are suppose to be the best lovers in world, she was surprised that I hadn’t heard abt it before...how do I tell her that I am such a dumb head when it comes to information regarding these things. She hung over this topic for long, god knows where was she trying to lead :).

But anyways she helped me with the menu, though with a very fake care. I had a tough time with the spaghetti, it was too very slipper...but what food it was, its taste is still lingering in my mouth. And then came the fried fish, and there started Mrs. English with her lessons of how to eat a fish. As previously she had seen me being cautious on what non veg food would be there on my plate, she thought this girl has never had a fish. But little did she know that she was teaching a Bengali to eat a fish, but any ways she was trying to be caring and so I let her continue.

With her non stop talks, she made other 5 people completely out of scene. But she was some character that I think I will never forget in my life. We might never meet again, but she indeed made the evening very interesting and energetic. She left giving me some interesting information of Europe and also the one that I mentioned above ;). She showed me the Italian (or may be the European...I have no idea) sign for the F**k word, and that was the funniest part of the evening...I think she was over drunk by then, and on this her husband (and also the others)started losing their patience, I guess he and so did others knew this lady well. And thanks to her insistence, for the first time I tasted wine :).

Later that night at the disc, where I was to join Sylvia and Martha:
Sylvia: "So how did you find Mrs. Englsih"
Me: "She was nice....it was good that she knew english"
Martha: "That’s it..."
Me: "yea...she was a bit over dramatic"
Silence for a few seconds....and then 3 of us bursted out into laughter :) :) :))

Restless Cognition

Its kind of weird...everything around...everything that I am experiencing, everything that I am feeling. I am not saying that whats weird is for good or bad.

I always believed that everything happens for a reason and purpose, but the way things are going with me I am not able to see the reason. And that's making me restless..as if I want to travel in the future understand the purpose of the present and then come back and enjoy the present. I am really surprised at my myself for thinking this way...this thinking was never my belief.

For the part that is good, I am doubtful of why are things suddenly good to me, I guess thats the height of being a pessimist. And for the part thats bad, I feel what did I do wrong to go through this, I just didnt deserve it. But yes in both the cases I am still not able to believe that it is all happening to me, it feels as if its just a dream and once I wake up things will get back to normal, just the way it was few months back. But may be this dream is the best thing happening to me.

In these months I have changed drastically, and so more drastically in this one month. Again for the good or bad I dont know. Why am I writing all these things even thats not known, why are things so very unclear these days.

But to speak the truth somewhere inside I know the reason for all thats happening, but....!!!

I am trying to be positive, and patiently wait for the reason to come up more clearly. Let see, what comes up.....

A Special Bond with the Adriatic